The Birwin Report


President McDonald Treats Grade-A Athletes to Grade-F Beef

"My Mac is so big. I have the biggest Mac you've ever seen. Oh, yeah."

Jan. 19, 2019

The President seemed really hot and bothered by his pile of dirty burgers. I mean, he was really proud.

Players from the Clemson University national-champion football team were treated to quite a spread of McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, and Domino’s. Including 300 Big Macs.

Yes, I nearly vomited while typing that.

Fun fact about me: I haven’t eaten McDonald’s since 2002. It’s not for any moral or health reasons. I’ll have you know I’ll slam a Shake Shack. We all have our preferences so no judgements here.

But if elite athletes are visiting the White House, wouldn’t you want to serve them something a little more nutritious? I know they’re out of season, but the body needs quality nutrients in order to perform at a high level.

Sounds like 300 orders of the McShits to me.


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